I Wish
by brahdley jims
Summary: Rose/Scorpius songfic of Kate Nash's 'Nicest Thing', random thing that popped into my head. Read and Review!


**A/N: Yeah, so this was just something that popped into my head when I was listening to Kate Nash on my iPod again, so I leapt on my laptop and started typing, and this is the product. In my opinion, spur of the moment things are always the best, rather than things that have been planned out ;) Review with your comments!**

_'i wish i was your favourite girl,_

_i wish you thought i was the reason you are in the world._

_i wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile,_

_i wish the way that i dressed was your favourite kind of style._

_i wish you couldn't figure me out,_

_but you always wanna know what I was about._

_i wish you'd hold my hand when i was upset,_

_i wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.'_

I always knew I liked him. From the first day of my first year at Hogwarts, before I boarded the Hogwarts Express, when my dad warned me not to get too close to him, I knew I liked him. Something drew me to him. But it was harmless, wasn't it? Nothing would come of it. I probably wouldn't even make friends with him. Besides, he was a boy. Who wants to deal with _them?_

Two years later and we were inseperable. Me, Al, and him. Al was the more reserved member of the group. It was Scorpius who could calm me down when I was in one of my rages over something or other. I've always had a fierce temper. I wonder if that ever put him off? Anyway, I was in third year and boys were still alien to me. It was as if Al and Scorpius were the outcasts of their race – I could deal with them, even if every other boy I knew was a git. The three of us worked. So why did I feel like something was wrong?

I found out in fourth year. That was when my friends started having more serious, longer relationships. I didn't think that would affect me, until Al started going out with somebody. I realised that maybe Al wasn't any different to all the other boys, but Scorpius was still normal, wasn't he? We were as close as we normally were, nothing changed. But that was the problem; that was what was wrong. Had I changed one bit, in Scorpius' eyes, from the girl with bushy red hair he met on the Hogwarts Express in first year? I knew I'd changed. My hair had finally started to ease itself into something manageable, even nice, and my figure developed. I was more confident, more independent, not that I'd ever not been. Everybody noticed it, which I was pleased about. But the one person that didn't seem to notice, was the one person I wanted to notice. I wasn't even sure why it mattered to me so much.

I'm not sure why it took me so long to notice Scorpius' admirers. Bloody hell, half the female population of Hogwarts was in love with him. And he knew it. Finally, near the end of fourth year, he started going out with someone. I don't know why he'd avoided doing this before, but he seemed happier now he had someone he spent more time with than me or Al. Meanwhile, I felt lonelier than I ever had done before. Al spent half his time with his girlfriend, while I rarely saw Scorpius anymore. He did all his studying with his girlfriend, in the library or in his common room, and I found myself alone. I also found that I hated it, and wanted to slap 'his' girl across the cheek whenever I saw them together. This wasn't normal for me. I despised all this confusion in my head – it irritated me no end that I caught myself thinking about him at night, and in class when I should have been concentrating on what the teacher was saying. Why did Scorpius take up so much thinking space now? That couldn't be normal. He was a boy, for heaven's sake. Wasn't it unhealthy to spend so much time thinking about him, and not even know I was doing it?

Fifth year we were both made prefects. He and his girlfriend had split up over the summer, and I couldn't explain the sensation in my stomach when he told me this and sat down next to me in our compartment. He sat where he'd always sat, no closer, no further away, but this time I was uncomfortably aware of how close he was. This was stupid. Stupid how I was noticing silly things like this. Stupid how I couldn't take my eyes off him. Stupid how I couldn't find an answer to the jumbled thoughts in my brain.

When I realised I was in love with Scorpius, I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. How could I even be around him anymore without heating up to a million degrees? Couldn't he hear my heart pounding so hard it nearly burst out my chest?

No. He never noticed a thing, even when I admitted it to myself. I was angry with him. Angry that he couldn't see me, not properly. Angry that he took me for granted and angry that he couldn't see how much I was hurting ever time he picked up a new girlfriend, every time he left me, again and again until I was sure I didn't have a heart left to break because it was already split determinedly into several different pieces. I was angry with myself, for pining after him, for not being able to stop myself. But nothing I did, nothing I did to try and estrange myself from him, stopped the aching I felt inside. I hated being weak. I hate being weak.

I wish he knew. I wish he would hold my hand, I wish he would smile at me in a different way to how he'd usually smile at me. I wish he'd stop this nonsense and kiss me. I wish he loved me. I wish he loved me.

_'i wish that without me your heart would break,_

_yeah, i wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake._

_i wish that without me you couldn't eat,_

_yeah, i wish i was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep._

_look,_

_all i know is that you're the nicest thing i've ever seen_

_and i wish we could see if we could be something_

_yeah, i wish we could see if we could be something.'_

**_Lyrics: Kate Nash, 'Nicest Thing'._**


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